Tag Archives: inspiration

I Haven’t Disappeared, I Swear.

I know, I know. I took a long sabbatical.

Here’s what happened. I got burned out and overwhelmed. There seems to be so many freaking rules to running a successful something or another that I got twisted and turned around and way too overloaded with information that I completely shut down for an extended period of time.

I mean I still lived the everyday life. You know, get up, go to work, come home, take care of the babies, go to bed. I vegged out a lot. I mean, I watched Designing Women reruns on Youtube and stared into space a lot wondering what the hell to do now. Then it finally occurred to me.

I’m going to throw all the rules out the window and just do whatever I feel like doing. Seems like a solid plan, right? My best observation these past few months was that it seems that everyone just rushes around doing what ever they want with no overthinking or regard for much of anything else. Than it occurred to me that I could and probably should be doing this too.

With that being said, I have disregarded all of my own rules and I feel much better. I have also been reinventing myself, which has been a lot of fun. I have discovered some new passions which I’ll be writing about at some point. See, I think we hold ourselves to these rules and standards to try and live these perfect lives when in the long run they make us exhausted and miserable. Of course, the rules of hygiene will always apply, and the rules of good manners should also be followed.

What I’m talking about is this desire to be perfect at everything. Have the perfect job, be the perfect vegan, be the perfect parent. These standards are so exhausting and really hard to turn off. Here’s what I recommend to help overcome the standard of being perfect.

1. Stop. Stop holding yourself to these ridiculous and impossible ideals. Trust me, it’s causing you more stress than it’s worth.

2. If it doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it. Life is too fucking short for anything otherwise.

3. Sit down and figure out what is really important and what will make you unbelievably happy and then find a way to pursue that.

That’s it. That’s all the words of wisdom that I have for you. Now go forth, my little munchkins, and prosper.

Reflection

KRYSTLES PHOTOOOOOOOOOOOO

One day my alarm went off. My eyes fluttered open and I shuffled to the kitchen to make that ever important first cup of coffee. “God, I hate my job. I hate my boyfriend. I hate my life.” This is pretty much how everyday started. But on this particular day, I was in an especially foul mood. I sat down and gave myself a very harsh reality check. I graduated from college, was still working as a server in a sports bar, having failed relationship after failed relationship, watching as everyone else moved on and do great things. Overall, I felt hopeless. I couldn’t take the feeling of hopelessness anymore. I don’t like feeling like I’m drowning, with a boulder tied around my ankles, dragging me down into the cool, watery depths of nothingness, where I would be lost and forgotten forever. Sounds dramatic, I know, but these are the thoughts that were going through my head. So I decided that I needed a big change. I needed to move. Not just anywhere, but far away, a fresh start. I choose the Arizona desert because I knew one person there and I figured that knowing at least one person might make this crazy plan a little easier. After seeing if it would be cool to stay with him and his wife for a bit, I put my diabolical plan into action. Nine months before I was to leave, I told my parents what I was planning to do. I started working every shift I could pick up and closed whenever it was offered to me to make as much money as possible. There was no time to waste. My boyfriend at the time was a little bit confused. I offered for him to come with me, as kind of test, to see if we really belong together. Needless to say, he failed, miserably. He pleaded with me to reconsider and he just didn’t understand why I would want to do such a thing. He definitely wasn’t the adventurous type and couldn’t see himself more than a few miles away from his family. So, that relationship ended, kind of ugly, but it was to be expected. I received a lot of resistance from a lot of people. Mostly, friends that didn’t want to be so far away from me. I assured them that I would come visit and I felt, in the depths of my being, that this was the right decision.

Bacardi Koshka

Bacardi Koshka

Calypso (aka baby girl)

I even sat down with my two cats, Koshka and Calypso, and explained that we were going on a fantastic voyage (Coolio reference here) and that they were going to become desert kitties. They looked up at me with their sweet faces and they seemed to understand.

The hardest part was explaining to my dog why I was leaving. She lived with my parents because she was old and my father took care of her. I went over there two days before Christmas to spend some time with her and I explained my plan. She looked at me with her tired, brown eyes and white muzzle, and I knew that she understood. Two days later, she passed away. I felt like my heart was ripped out. A lot of people don’t understand that connection you can have with a dog. She was my best friend for 14 years, she was always there when I needed comfort and was my constant companion. I was sick the day I had to move out of my parents house because I couldn’t take her with me. I knew she was in good hands because my dad loved her just as much as me. I felt that her passing, was another sign that I needed to go. Devastated, I stayed strong in my resolution to move and start living. Six months passed and moving day arrived. I had managed to save $3,000 which I felt should last me until I could find some type of job. I was only taking what would fit in my car, which meant some clothes, some books, my spices, and my cats. On departure day, my dad came over early to change my brakes and make sure that my car was in good working condition, like awesome dads do. When it came to say goodbye, I was filled with hope and sorrow. I was going to miss him a lot. Pushing forward, I started my car and drove a way to start this amazing journey.

Three years later, I look back. I’m still here in the desert. I am not friends with most of the people I was friends with, including my one friend that lives here. I have experienced what it means to be so completely broke that you’re not sure how you are going to pay your bills and eat. I have experienced extreme heartache over actions of my loved ones but living so far away from everything I have ever known has granted me a new kind of perspective. I have an outsider view of what my life was like back home. I have quite a new perspective on how things should be and what I want out of life. Without the intention of having any romantic relationships, I have since met my husband, who is probably the most amazing person I have ever met and he inspires me every single day. I have learned that the key to happiness is living, breathing and doing your passion. I have since discovered that my passion is food, animal well-being, and trying to make the most out of everyday. I have learned to give more of myself than to take, that animals really do have personalities and emotions, and that people think it’s OK to ride horse down a city street (only in Arizona).  I didn’t know what to expect when I started this journey and I still have no idea how my life will unfold. This is an ever continuing story and I can’t wait to see what the next chapter will be. If there is one thing you can take away from this, dear Reader, it is this: chase your dreams and dare to take a risk, you never know what will happen, but in the end you’ll be glad you took it.

Thanks for reading.